Processing the newfound processes of the ever-changing process around me.

When I sat down and started thinking about how to even begin putting in the experiences of the year into words, the first word that came to my mind was process.

Since truly the beginning of time, society and the world around us has followed a process. As innovation occurs and society shifts, these processes change. This can be really anything—how we communicate, what we do for entertainment, and even how day-to-day experiences proceed. In my lifetime, I have seen communication go from a corded landline to the ability to see each other on a mobile touchscreen phone, going from cassette tapes and VHS to Spotify and Netflix, and even have seen the way major entities in the world change drastically. As a public school employee, I have seen standards of education increase in a variety of ways. Overall, the processes of my world have varied based on myself aging and entering different phases of life.

However, in this year, the processes of the world were and are truly flipped on their head. Everything we do, down to the amount of space we are apart, has changed. I think this has affected so much more than a mask wearing requirement and six feet of social distancing—our brains process things differently. In my school buildings, students are reacting to all situations differently due to fear of a shut down. So many professions are affected and mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. And me, working with students who we cannot find, who cannot engage, or having social emotional distress causes a total process overload in my brain most days.

We are all aware of the effects that COVID-19 is having. These observations are not new. However, at this point of the pandemic, I think myself as well as others lose mindfulness of the ongoing impact that each and every day is causing. I have experienced many different processes, and this one is by far the most impactful. 

Spend a little bit of time processing what is happening around you and how others might be processing our world. Your process may make a difference to those around you.

The World Changed in 24 days.

This morning, I woke up and just felt pretty much like--blah. I wouldn't say I felt sick exactly, but I definitely was not feeling good. My head was hurting and my stomach was twisted, but not in that "I for sure have the flu" kind of way. It all seemed to be stemming from my heart, which was a feeling I hadn't felt in a while. It then hit me--I felt this way around this time last year. Kinda.

I knew that this time of the year was going to be hard. Of course, right? Loss is hard--and the grieving process is harder. But as I was attempting to process today, I realized that instead of working through that grieving process, I had just pushed all the trauma I had experienced last holiday season because it never seemed to stop. Three losses of prominent figures in my life, three individuals who represented three of the most important parts of who I am, three lives that I will never cross paths with on this Earth again. And once the 24 days had passed, I was expected to return to my last semester of undergrad like normal. Without taking the time to grieve.

Now, I would definitely be overdramatic if I claimed that these three individuals were my three best friends who I talked to every single day. I sadly did not communicate with any of the three as often as I should have. However, these three individuals represented three facets of my life that 100% molded me into the person I am today. By losing these people, I lost a little bit of what made those things so special.

On December 15, 2018, my Nanny passed away. This death was long and drawn out, as she had been diagnosed with cancer years before and had slowly been declining. She had entered the hospital around Thanksgiving of that year and never left. I spent hours with my mom at the hospital, eating McDonald's and chatting until midnight. The specific weekend of her passing, I was coordinating a weekend program at Camp Joy. I had debated even going to camp that weekend, but my parents told me I should and reassured me that because of her health at that point, she wouldn't pass while I was gone and everything would be okay. My program had just returned from a field trip to the zoo and had started our Polar Express evening programming when I got the call. I made the usual three hour trip into about two, racing home to be with my family at that point. During the car ride, I tried to process. My Nanny cared so much about the safety of the people she cared about that I KNEW she would've been upset to know how fast I sped home. Yet, she would've just said something like "well, that just means you'll need to call every time you get home now". She truly was the glue that held things together in family, and her love of other people is something that I strive to express every day. She made an impact on my life since I was very young.

On December 26, 2018, Audrey Davis passed away. This was a huge shock to my camp family and I will never forget the phone call I received, telling me the news and asking if I could call others to inform. At that specific moment, I knew I had a job to do, so I don't think my body and mind allowed me to process the news that I was relaying. Instead of taking any time to do so--I jumped into action. I worked on details for Audrey's memorial service at camp, I made a slideshow of Audrey's accomplishments at camp, and helped plan details that would best honor the impact that she had made at Joy. In the midst of all this, I never took the time to consider what this loss meant to me. While Audrey and I were never super close, we began our camp journey together in the summer of 2016. Neither one of us knew what we were really getting into, and neither one of us knew how much we would evolve during those months. Audrey touched the lives of so many kids in a place that I call my saving grace. Without the influence of people like Audrey, the direction my life would be going in right now would look so much different. Places like Camp Joy and people like Audrey are what I owe my education, career path, and discovery of purpose to.

On January 8, 2019, Taylor Nolan passed away. This was a shock to my university and a giant wake-up call to the nature of individuals all across the school. I had seen on various different social medias that a student at the University of Kentucky had passed away in the middle of the night before, but a name had not been released yet. I then got a text message from someone else in FCCLA, the organization in which I know Taylor, saying that it was her who had passed. I was somewhat in disbelief, and was not convinced entirely until it was officially released. The feeling I had was different from the others I had been having in these last 23 days--I'm not sure if that's because I was shocked that there was another death in my circle, or because this situation was different--Taylor had taken her own life. The girl who I had met in high school through an organization called FCCLA, a girl who I had directly passed my state first vice president position off to. I had the opportunity to work with Taylor in many FCCLA-related facets, and watch her blossom in the role of first vice president. Taylor had an abundance of charisma and charm, some of which was natural and some of which was taught by the organization that helped me so much. In that kind of role that we shared, it took some serious leadership skill--and I am not just saying that to seem like I did something cool. That role molded me into the leader that I am today, and I felt the same about Taylor. Taylor attended the same university that I did, but we lost touch when I went to school. I would be lying if I said that was not something in the back of my mind a lot--what if we HADN'T lost touch? I understand that it may not have changed anything, but I can't help but wonder.

Writing this post has definitely helped me process all of the chaos that occurred in those 24 days last year. My family, Camp Joy, and FCCLA are three different facets of my life that I owe so much to. And within those three things were three incredible individuals who made my experiences in them as priceless as they are. The world is forever changed by the loss of Nanny, Audrey and Taylor. And that change took place in 24 days.

Surrounded with SUPPORT

This past weekend, I was lucky enough to dance in the 24 marathon here at U.K., DanceBlue. Myself, along with 973 other people, spent from 8 p.m. Saturday to 8 p.m. Sunday in Memorial Coliseum. At the top of each hour, we would do a 12-minute choreographed line dance, with other activities in between. We raised over $1.7 million for the marathon, where all the proceeds are dedicated to pediatric oncology.

As I'm sure you could imagine, the marathon itself could be HARD. You are standing on your feet, dancing around, through all hours of the night. The idea in of itself is super crazy to think about and before this weekend, I had absolutely no idea how I was actually going to do it.

Over 24 hours have passed since I've left DanceBlue, and now I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to go 364 without this atmosphere. I would do it all again right this second. I have never been in a room where a thousand people are there for the same goal. The fact that we were dancing so much, for so long, yet every single person there never let a smile slid was astonishing. And it was all For The Kids. But the thing that made it not only the best, but the easiest thing, was the support.

It is SO important in life to surround yourself with people who support you. Those who give you the motivation you need to make something happen, and the praise you deserve when you do. God blesses us by filling us up with His love so we are able to love others, and the people who are the picture of this are always the best to surround yourself with. And that is what I got to witness this weekend. The room was FILLED with people who were willing to give you an encouraging word, an encouraging embrace, or a super encouraging back massage. Not only were we fighting for a cure, we were fighting for each other! We fought that the person next to us would feel important, because we each made an individual impact on the future.

Remember to live your life like that, to look at the person next to you and remind them that they are so important to our collaborative battle. Each and every person we come in contact is a part of this army, and YOU have the potential to remind them of that! While we might not be learning a dance and doing it for a day straight, we are capable of making an impact for the rest of our days. Be the person who supports.

It's OKAY to be the People Person Loner.

When I was around seven, I had two imaginary friends. Their names were Icka and Sissy. I have no idea where those names came from...I'd like to think my parents made them up, but there is no way they actually came up with those. They did absolutely everything with me, from playing Barbies to riding in the car to eating meals together. It got to the point where my mom and dad treated them as a part of the family, taking them with us wherever we went. Then one day, my dad asked, "Where are Icka and Sissy eating tonight?" and I looked at him like he had 3 heads. They no longer existed in my world, and from that point on I played as a normal only child would at home. Alone.

I think they disappeared not because they weren't cool enough to hang out with anymore, or they found a new seven year old to pal around with, but because I became secure with absence. I felt comfortable being by myself, and I wish I could say I carried that skill along with me through life!

But unfortunately, as time went on, I started to feel as though I had to constantly be surrounded by others to "look cool". Even into my freshman year of college, I had the biggest case of FOMO literally ever and never took a second to even realize if I was actually enjoying myself. After while, it began to take a real toll on me.

I compared myself to others, wondered why this girl was better friends with this girl, and broke my back to ensure I was doing something with someone every moment I could. 

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE people. I think people are literally the coolest, we are all so different an unique and get to write our very own life story, full of feelings and accomplishments and so much more?! I want to live my life knowing that I get to interact with all different kinds of people every single day and make an impact on their story! Seriously, when things are happening and I am a safe, secure, charged-up version of myself, being around others gives me the most possible JOY!!!!

But there is such a difference between a healthy exposure to people and a dangerous exposure to people for me. I admire my sweet friends who live in our sorority house daily, I love every single gal that lives in that beautiful residence, but I would 100% go nuts. Once I feel almost forced to go and do, that is the time to stop and reflect for me.

So, finally getting to my point here, it is OKAY to be that girl that DOESN'T say yes to every single invite to dinner or to go out or to movie night, and you really shouldn't feel guilty. We are all made so fearfully and wonderfully, with different outlooks and different levels and different ways to be in tune with ourselves!! It is OKAY to be the girl who wants to stay in bed to watch Netflix tonight or be the girl who walks around Walmart alone at 11:00 (me tonight...it is a sketchy place 2 be...reader discretion advised).

Overall, it is important to be the healthiest you that you can be! Your friends will love you even more for being such an encouraging, optimistic light in their lives after you are able to reflect and take some "me" time!

 In order to love others, you must love yourself, even if "yourself" is a people person loner. :) 

Small town FAMILY

Growing up, my class never exceeded anymore than 35 people. Grade levels never had more than two classes per grade, and sometimes you even got the same teacher two years in a row! My school had an elementary hallway, a middle school hallway, and a high school hallway, all in one building. I graduated in a class of 22 seniors, anxious to leave the people we had known all our lives.

On New Years Eve, tragedy struck the little town of Burgin. One of the third grade teachers was involved in a sudden, devastating car accident, taking her life. This teacher truly touched the lives of her students, fellow teachers, and her children. Dealing with losing such a positive, optimistic member of our community has put strain on so many different aspects in Burgin. As you can imagine, losing someone here is losing a part of our family.

As difficult as this loss is and will continue to be, events such as these truly open my eyes to how grateful I am to have grown up where I did. The support given from each and every person, regardless of their relationship with one another, is one I can't put into words. Not only has this teacher's family and friends band together for comfort, but the entire Burgin school and city have gone above and beyond to ensure that those in mourning can feel peace.

Yes, I do think that growing up in Burgin has disadvantaged me to a certain extent. I have felt as though I lacked opportunity and even social skills coming from such a small area. Yet, in these most recent days, I cannot seem to feel anything but overwhelmingly blessed by my roots. I know that in both times as hard as these and even the best of times, this family I was given will be by my side. They will be by each other's side. Being in a small town family isn't so bad, it's a blessing.

My heart goes out to those who knew and loved Ms. Sara Berry. While I never had the privilege of getting to work with her, I feel confidently in saying that she fulfilled her purpose while she graced this Earth.


"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
-Matthew 5:4

New Year's FAITH, not resolution

In order to log onto a library computer in elementary school, your username included your last name and your graduation date. My friends and I always thought it was so funny to type in "15Lindsey", or whatever the case, because there was NO WAY we were actually going to get to the year 2015. The year we graduated from high school.

It is now so incredible to believe we are in the year 2017. I have not only made it past graduation, but three entire semesters of my college career. And each year, the time seems to move quicker and life seems to become more real. Each year, I set "goals" that I intend to accomplish in the next 365 days. Yet, each and every year, the time seems to get away from me and those hundreds of days turn into a single hundred, and then even less. That checklist I had given myself in the beginning of the year is left unchecked.

So, I am challenging myself to a whole new outlook in 2017. I'm challenging myself to not make a list of these things to finish, but to have faith in those things I have no control over. I am challenging myself to believe that there is a plan for me, and that there are people out there that are placed in my life to help me succeed. I'm striving to not create tasks to complete, but to be open and to listen to the gracious tasks that have already been created. This year, I am going to follow faith, and not resolutions.

I challenge you, friends, to take this same approach to this new year. We could make endless lists to the things we would like to change, or resolve, yet the most important and beneficial change we could make is to merely have faith in what we cannot solve. I am so excited to see what these new thoughts will bring in 2017, and I am even more excited to be able to support you all in your new faith!

I hope you all have a blessed new year, full of love, happiness, and positivity! :)

Greater things to come :)

I just wanted to wish everyone luck with their finals this upcoming week! This is the time where you feel like you are dying (dead week is so literal tbh), but remember that this will all be so worth it in the end! The stress you are under now will lead you to the way you individually will get to make your stamp in the world, and that will be SO rewarding :)

It is so difficult to see into the future at this point. My recent thought has been "I have to get this grade on the final to keep this grade in this class so I get this GPA to keep my scholarship." And yes, keeping my scholarship is vital to the continuation of my education, without it I would not be here. Yes, earning a successful grade in your classes will lead to your further education, whether it be in a higher sense of school or education in your career field. Ultimately, yes, the tests I will take within the next week are important.

With all that said, it is so EASY to forget why we are truly here. I am learning all these things, while some things I don't necessarily see the reason for, others will make me the BEST therapist I can be. I am here to learn about the social work system, I am here to learn the best ways to care for the kids in situations where care is absent, I am here to learn how to administer therapy to children that need that love the most.

And YOU are here to learn the best way to fulfill your own purpose. Each and every path that we take makes a difference in the world, and luckily we all get to make an impact in different ways! You came here because you were blessed with an interest that leads to a dream, that will soon lead to a reality!

In the midst of your stress and grief, remember to direct your thoughts to the greatest purpose. It will ALL be worth it :)