Processing the newfound processes of the ever-changing process around me.

When I sat down and started thinking about how to even begin putting in the experiences of the year into words, the first word that came to my mind was process.

Since truly the beginning of time, society and the world around us has followed a process. As innovation occurs and society shifts, these processes change. This can be really anything—how we communicate, what we do for entertainment, and even how day-to-day experiences proceed. In my lifetime, I have seen communication go from a corded landline to the ability to see each other on a mobile touchscreen phone, going from cassette tapes and VHS to Spotify and Netflix, and even have seen the way major entities in the world change drastically. As a public school employee, I have seen standards of education increase in a variety of ways. Overall, the processes of my world have varied based on myself aging and entering different phases of life.

However, in this year, the processes of the world were and are truly flipped on their head. Everything we do, down to the amount of space we are apart, has changed. I think this has affected so much more than a mask wearing requirement and six feet of social distancing—our brains process things differently. In my school buildings, students are reacting to all situations differently due to fear of a shut down. So many professions are affected and mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. And me, working with students who we cannot find, who cannot engage, or having social emotional distress causes a total process overload in my brain most days.

We are all aware of the effects that COVID-19 is having. These observations are not new. However, at this point of the pandemic, I think myself as well as others lose mindfulness of the ongoing impact that each and every day is causing. I have experienced many different processes, and this one is by far the most impactful. 

Spend a little bit of time processing what is happening around you and how others might be processing our world. Your process may make a difference to those around you.

The World Changed in 24 days.

This morning, I woke up and just felt pretty much like--blah. I wouldn't say I felt sick exactly, but I definitely was not feeling good. My head was hurting and my stomach was twisted, but not in that "I for sure have the flu" kind of way. It all seemed to be stemming from my heart, which was a feeling I hadn't felt in a while. It then hit me--I felt this way around this time last year. Kinda.

I knew that this time of the year was going to be hard. Of course, right? Loss is hard--and the grieving process is harder. But as I was attempting to process today, I realized that instead of working through that grieving process, I had just pushed all the trauma I had experienced last holiday season because it never seemed to stop. Three losses of prominent figures in my life, three individuals who represented three of the most important parts of who I am, three lives that I will never cross paths with on this Earth again. And once the 24 days had passed, I was expected to return to my last semester of undergrad like normal. Without taking the time to grieve.

Now, I would definitely be overdramatic if I claimed that these three individuals were my three best friends who I talked to every single day. I sadly did not communicate with any of the three as often as I should have. However, these three individuals represented three facets of my life that 100% molded me into the person I am today. By losing these people, I lost a little bit of what made those things so special.

On December 15, 2018, my Nanny passed away. This death was long and drawn out, as she had been diagnosed with cancer years before and had slowly been declining. She had entered the hospital around Thanksgiving of that year and never left. I spent hours with my mom at the hospital, eating McDonald's and chatting until midnight. The specific weekend of her passing, I was coordinating a weekend program at Camp Joy. I had debated even going to camp that weekend, but my parents told me I should and reassured me that because of her health at that point, she wouldn't pass while I was gone and everything would be okay. My program had just returned from a field trip to the zoo and had started our Polar Express evening programming when I got the call. I made the usual three hour trip into about two, racing home to be with my family at that point. During the car ride, I tried to process. My Nanny cared so much about the safety of the people she cared about that I KNEW she would've been upset to know how fast I sped home. Yet, she would've just said something like "well, that just means you'll need to call every time you get home now". She truly was the glue that held things together in family, and her love of other people is something that I strive to express every day. She made an impact on my life since I was very young.

On December 26, 2018, Audrey Davis passed away. This was a huge shock to my camp family and I will never forget the phone call I received, telling me the news and asking if I could call others to inform. At that specific moment, I knew I had a job to do, so I don't think my body and mind allowed me to process the news that I was relaying. Instead of taking any time to do so--I jumped into action. I worked on details for Audrey's memorial service at camp, I made a slideshow of Audrey's accomplishments at camp, and helped plan details that would best honor the impact that she had made at Joy. In the midst of all this, I never took the time to consider what this loss meant to me. While Audrey and I were never super close, we began our camp journey together in the summer of 2016. Neither one of us knew what we were really getting into, and neither one of us knew how much we would evolve during those months. Audrey touched the lives of so many kids in a place that I call my saving grace. Without the influence of people like Audrey, the direction my life would be going in right now would look so much different. Places like Camp Joy and people like Audrey are what I owe my education, career path, and discovery of purpose to.

On January 8, 2019, Taylor Nolan passed away. This was a shock to my university and a giant wake-up call to the nature of individuals all across the school. I had seen on various different social medias that a student at the University of Kentucky had passed away in the middle of the night before, but a name had not been released yet. I then got a text message from someone else in FCCLA, the organization in which I know Taylor, saying that it was her who had passed. I was somewhat in disbelief, and was not convinced entirely until it was officially released. The feeling I had was different from the others I had been having in these last 23 days--I'm not sure if that's because I was shocked that there was another death in my circle, or because this situation was different--Taylor had taken her own life. The girl who I had met in high school through an organization called FCCLA, a girl who I had directly passed my state first vice president position off to. I had the opportunity to work with Taylor in many FCCLA-related facets, and watch her blossom in the role of first vice president. Taylor had an abundance of charisma and charm, some of which was natural and some of which was taught by the organization that helped me so much. In that kind of role that we shared, it took some serious leadership skill--and I am not just saying that to seem like I did something cool. That role molded me into the leader that I am today, and I felt the same about Taylor. Taylor attended the same university that I did, but we lost touch when I went to school. I would be lying if I said that was not something in the back of my mind a lot--what if we HADN'T lost touch? I understand that it may not have changed anything, but I can't help but wonder.

Writing this post has definitely helped me process all of the chaos that occurred in those 24 days last year. My family, Camp Joy, and FCCLA are three different facets of my life that I owe so much to. And within those three things were three incredible individuals who made my experiences in them as priceless as they are. The world is forever changed by the loss of Nanny, Audrey and Taylor. And that change took place in 24 days.

Surrounded with SUPPORT

This past weekend, I was lucky enough to dance in the 24 marathon here at U.K., DanceBlue. Myself, along with 973 other people, spent from 8 p.m. Saturday to 8 p.m. Sunday in Memorial Coliseum. At the top of each hour, we would do a 12-minute choreographed line dance, with other activities in between. We raised over $1.7 million for the marathon, where all the proceeds are dedicated to pediatric oncology.

As I'm sure you could imagine, the marathon itself could be HARD. You are standing on your feet, dancing around, through all hours of the night. The idea in of itself is super crazy to think about and before this weekend, I had absolutely no idea how I was actually going to do it.

Over 24 hours have passed since I've left DanceBlue, and now I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to go 364 without this atmosphere. I would do it all again right this second. I have never been in a room where a thousand people are there for the same goal. The fact that we were dancing so much, for so long, yet every single person there never let a smile slid was astonishing. And it was all For The Kids. But the thing that made it not only the best, but the easiest thing, was the support.

It is SO important in life to surround yourself with people who support you. Those who give you the motivation you need to make something happen, and the praise you deserve when you do. God blesses us by filling us up with His love so we are able to love others, and the people who are the picture of this are always the best to surround yourself with. And that is what I got to witness this weekend. The room was FILLED with people who were willing to give you an encouraging word, an encouraging embrace, or a super encouraging back massage. Not only were we fighting for a cure, we were fighting for each other! We fought that the person next to us would feel important, because we each made an individual impact on the future.

Remember to live your life like that, to look at the person next to you and remind them that they are so important to our collaborative battle. Each and every person we come in contact is a part of this army, and YOU have the potential to remind them of that! While we might not be learning a dance and doing it for a day straight, we are capable of making an impact for the rest of our days. Be the person who supports.

It's OKAY to be the People Person Loner.

When I was around seven, I had two imaginary friends. Their names were Icka and Sissy. I have no idea where those names came from...I'd like to think my parents made them up, but there is no way they actually came up with those. They did absolutely everything with me, from playing Barbies to riding in the car to eating meals together. It got to the point where my mom and dad treated them as a part of the family, taking them with us wherever we went. Then one day, my dad asked, "Where are Icka and Sissy eating tonight?" and I looked at him like he had 3 heads. They no longer existed in my world, and from that point on I played as a normal only child would at home. Alone.

I think they disappeared not because they weren't cool enough to hang out with anymore, or they found a new seven year old to pal around with, but because I became secure with absence. I felt comfortable being by myself, and I wish I could say I carried that skill along with me through life!

But unfortunately, as time went on, I started to feel as though I had to constantly be surrounded by others to "look cool". Even into my freshman year of college, I had the biggest case of FOMO literally ever and never took a second to even realize if I was actually enjoying myself. After while, it began to take a real toll on me.

I compared myself to others, wondered why this girl was better friends with this girl, and broke my back to ensure I was doing something with someone every moment I could. 

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE people. I think people are literally the coolest, we are all so different an unique and get to write our very own life story, full of feelings and accomplishments and so much more?! I want to live my life knowing that I get to interact with all different kinds of people every single day and make an impact on their story! Seriously, when things are happening and I am a safe, secure, charged-up version of myself, being around others gives me the most possible JOY!!!!

But there is such a difference between a healthy exposure to people and a dangerous exposure to people for me. I admire my sweet friends who live in our sorority house daily, I love every single gal that lives in that beautiful residence, but I would 100% go nuts. Once I feel almost forced to go and do, that is the time to stop and reflect for me.

So, finally getting to my point here, it is OKAY to be that girl that DOESN'T say yes to every single invite to dinner or to go out or to movie night, and you really shouldn't feel guilty. We are all made so fearfully and wonderfully, with different outlooks and different levels and different ways to be in tune with ourselves!! It is OKAY to be the girl who wants to stay in bed to watch Netflix tonight or be the girl who walks around Walmart alone at 11:00 (me tonight...it is a sketchy place 2 be...reader discretion advised).

Overall, it is important to be the healthiest you that you can be! Your friends will love you even more for being such an encouraging, optimistic light in their lives after you are able to reflect and take some "me" time!

 In order to love others, you must love yourself, even if "yourself" is a people person loner. :) 

Small town FAMILY

Growing up, my class never exceeded anymore than 35 people. Grade levels never had more than two classes per grade, and sometimes you even got the same teacher two years in a row! My school had an elementary hallway, a middle school hallway, and a high school hallway, all in one building. I graduated in a class of 22 seniors, anxious to leave the people we had known all our lives.

On New Years Eve, tragedy struck the little town of Burgin. One of the third grade teachers was involved in a sudden, devastating car accident, taking her life. This teacher truly touched the lives of her students, fellow teachers, and her children. Dealing with losing such a positive, optimistic member of our community has put strain on so many different aspects in Burgin. As you can imagine, losing someone here is losing a part of our family.

As difficult as this loss is and will continue to be, events such as these truly open my eyes to how grateful I am to have grown up where I did. The support given from each and every person, regardless of their relationship with one another, is one I can't put into words. Not only has this teacher's family and friends band together for comfort, but the entire Burgin school and city have gone above and beyond to ensure that those in mourning can feel peace.

Yes, I do think that growing up in Burgin has disadvantaged me to a certain extent. I have felt as though I lacked opportunity and even social skills coming from such a small area. Yet, in these most recent days, I cannot seem to feel anything but overwhelmingly blessed by my roots. I know that in both times as hard as these and even the best of times, this family I was given will be by my side. They will be by each other's side. Being in a small town family isn't so bad, it's a blessing.

My heart goes out to those who knew and loved Ms. Sara Berry. While I never had the privilege of getting to work with her, I feel confidently in saying that she fulfilled her purpose while she graced this Earth.


"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
-Matthew 5:4

New Year's FAITH, not resolution

In order to log onto a library computer in elementary school, your username included your last name and your graduation date. My friends and I always thought it was so funny to type in "15Lindsey", or whatever the case, because there was NO WAY we were actually going to get to the year 2015. The year we graduated from high school.

It is now so incredible to believe we are in the year 2017. I have not only made it past graduation, but three entire semesters of my college career. And each year, the time seems to move quicker and life seems to become more real. Each year, I set "goals" that I intend to accomplish in the next 365 days. Yet, each and every year, the time seems to get away from me and those hundreds of days turn into a single hundred, and then even less. That checklist I had given myself in the beginning of the year is left unchecked.

So, I am challenging myself to a whole new outlook in 2017. I'm challenging myself to not make a list of these things to finish, but to have faith in those things I have no control over. I am challenging myself to believe that there is a plan for me, and that there are people out there that are placed in my life to help me succeed. I'm striving to not create tasks to complete, but to be open and to listen to the gracious tasks that have already been created. This year, I am going to follow faith, and not resolutions.

I challenge you, friends, to take this same approach to this new year. We could make endless lists to the things we would like to change, or resolve, yet the most important and beneficial change we could make is to merely have faith in what we cannot solve. I am so excited to see what these new thoughts will bring in 2017, and I am even more excited to be able to support you all in your new faith!

I hope you all have a blessed new year, full of love, happiness, and positivity! :)

Greater things to come :)

I just wanted to wish everyone luck with their finals this upcoming week! This is the time where you feel like you are dying (dead week is so literal tbh), but remember that this will all be so worth it in the end! The stress you are under now will lead you to the way you individually will get to make your stamp in the world, and that will be SO rewarding :)

It is so difficult to see into the future at this point. My recent thought has been "I have to get this grade on the final to keep this grade in this class so I get this GPA to keep my scholarship." And yes, keeping my scholarship is vital to the continuation of my education, without it I would not be here. Yes, earning a successful grade in your classes will lead to your further education, whether it be in a higher sense of school or education in your career field. Ultimately, yes, the tests I will take within the next week are important.

With all that said, it is so EASY to forget why we are truly here. I am learning all these things, while some things I don't necessarily see the reason for, others will make me the BEST therapist I can be. I am here to learn about the social work system, I am here to learn the best ways to care for the kids in situations where care is absent, I am here to learn how to administer therapy to children that need that love the most.

And YOU are here to learn the best way to fulfill your own purpose. Each and every path that we take makes a difference in the world, and luckily we all get to make an impact in different ways! You came here because you were blessed with an interest that leads to a dream, that will soon lead to a reality!

In the midst of your stress and grief, remember to direct your thoughts to the greatest purpose. It will ALL be worth it :)

For those who feel LOST

I haven't been able to write in a very long time. Correction, I haven't prioritized writing in a long time. God made the heavens, he made happiness and joy, he made sunrises and sunsets...and the Devil created these two weeks in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I truly believe these weeks are cursed. Things go wrong for people who deserve them to be right, stress is consuming us all, and I personally can't help but feel lost, especially in these brutal two weeks.

We all know that the key to much stress relief is prioritization. I have slowly come to realize that if I don't start my day correctly, the rest of the day will follow as such. Yet, this final projects and exams filled holiday season can shadow what our priorities are. And I know when my priorities aren't aligned, nothing else in my life is. I turn to people instead of turning to Him, I make mistakes that I know I shouldn't, and things here seem to drag on.

So, take a breath and rest. Take the time that you've been reading this to reflect on what it means to be STILL. Know that He is God and will be the driver of not only the next two weeks, but of the rest of your weeks if you give him the wheel. You are capable of making it through with a little bit of faith, and a whole lot of coffee. If you have both, you are more than capable. You are exceptional.

Good luck, friends!

Being nice vs. being KIND

Apparently, today was World Kindness Day. I knew this not because it was thoroughly advertised, or by a local event, but by a simple Facebook post. Currently, there is so much negativity surrounding the country, the world, and even each other. We live in a time period with such progressive opinions and aggressive portrayal of the things we believe. Don't get me wrong, I am the FIRST person to give my honest opinion on things and love nothing more than telling others what I feel will be the right path for them to take. But, in modern society, we tend to use negativity and liberalistic strategies in our daily lives, even if they are done or said "nicely". We say we are nice people and say nice things. Yet, we lack the reason why the adjective "nice" even came about. We lack the possession of kindness. We lack love.

There is a major difference between being nice and being kind. I can nicely tell someone they have pretty eyes, or I can nicely open a door for someone, or buy the McDonald's for the person behind me. All of these things are seen as acts of kindness, and I believe these small gestures can make a huge impact. These are so important. But these actions WITHOUT motivation are like feeling happiness without possessing joy, it is temporary. Being nice will make you feel good for a moment, but without possessing kindness, it cannot last.

Being kind means doing those nice things out of the love you have for that person with pretty eyes, or walking through that door, or behind you in the drive-thru. Being kind means you are secure in knowing that not only do the people deserve to be loved, but that you deserve that same love. Kindness roots from believing in a purpose for you and for the world, and the desire to make those things a positive light. Kindness is so much more than being nice.

For those reading this post, I pray that you will see genuine kindness this week. I pray that you are able to see love, even if that is right now. You are loved. I love you. He loves you. Use this love to love others as HE and I and others love you.

"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
-Colossians 3:14

Being lonely is being OKAY

Coming back from camp is always a very difficult thing to do. Although I do feel very fulfilled and clarified, it is hard to come from a place that you are undeniable needed in the most apparent ways to a place that that need for you isn't so obvious.

Recently, I can't help but shake the feeling of loneliness. I've felt physically distant from my camp family, emotionally distant from my friends here in Lexington, and overall distant from my parents and family. Feeling this way is never fun. Here, it is very difficult to shake the feeling of being second. Juggling this empty feeling of loneliness is hard in an end-of-the-year stress period.

Yet, as hard as this is to come to terms with, sometimes we are faced with this feeling of loneliness to realize we are NOT alone. I think God allows this distance to occur for a variety of reasons. He does so to let us fix our thoughts and prioritize the important aspects in our life. He does so to allow us to rest, the constant upkeep of relationships can be exhausting at times. He does so to make us relatable, so when our peers have this feeling in the future, we can empathize and send them on the right path. Finally, He does so for reflection. Spending time away from the chaos of the world allows you to just be. Reflection and review of your decisions and events is vital to your future.

So, this feeling will pass. But for now, it is okay. Being lonely doesn't mean you're alone, you are never alone with God. Yet, being lonely can create such positive evaluations of the life you are living, and that is necessary from time to time. Being lonely is being okay.

“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses.” 
-Psalm 25:16-17 

Home IS where the heart is ♥

I think we can all agree that most of us have hit the point in the semester where we simply have stopped caring, even though now is one of the most vital times TO care. I can personally say that I have slim to no motivation to do anything except lay in bed and watch Grey's for the third time. There comes a time where we are even unmotivated to go out and do fun things, and I am at that point.

It is important to know that taking a break and going HOME is okay to do. Yet, the meaning of home can differ from person to person. Sometimes, and currently for me, home is completely literal and I am at the house where I grew up with the people who raised me, my parents. But other times, home can be the place where you feel as though the people surrounding you are the most prominent and comforting people in your life at that time. Home can mean you are sitting in somewhere away from civilization by yourself, taking in the wonders of the world. Home is not defined by the location you have always known, but rather the place you are at peace.

Don't worry, we have almost made it past the stress and heartache of the semester. Finish strong and know that in those times of heightened anxiety, the place where your heart and spirit lies with Him will provide you with peace.

"Jesus replied, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our HOME with them.""
-John 14:23

Technology is NOT the future :(

You are unable to see the impact that technology, Apple products specifically, have on your life and the world until you are forced to live without the convenience of one for a period of time. Last week, I was leisurely watching Netflix on my laptop around 1 A.M. when multiple colored lines appear on my screen. My first reaction of course was to panic and click every single button I could, so when that didn't work, I called my dad crying. At 2 in the morning. Over a computer.

The past week has been ridiculous when it comes to doing anything that requires the Internet. I jumped from the computer lab in the library to my apartment computer lab to begging to use friend's computers to using my phone to access my homework. And of course, the week this happened had to be the week that I had two exams, a project, and a paper all due. Yet, the worst part was I was unable to continue my daily journey here on my blog.

Now, reflecting on the week with my newly-screen laptop on my table, it is incredible to see the amount of reliance we put on things that have been created by us. I don't leave my room without my IPhone glued to my hand. College students barely interact anymore simply because of our headphones in our ears and extensive focus on the screen in front of us. I, along with us all, am guilty of missing the wonders in our world because of the technology we so harshly rely on.

God tells us to set our minds on things above, and not on earthly things. The stress and fear and sadness and negative emotions we feel on a daily basis derives from the blurred set of priorities we place upon ourselves. I can honestly say I was so stressed over the loss of my laptop that I almost ignored my faith. Yet, when all of our stresses are put on Him, he will bring you peace. The man-made treasures on this Earth, such as technology, do not compare to the treasures offered by God.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these will be added unto you."

-Matthew 6:33

Day 7: Small things can FILL you up

When I work the Fostering Success Program at camp, I was blessed to get the older group of girls. These girls started the program back in the summer, where we got to spend an entire week with these girls and begin to get to know them! As they come back each month, the same counselors usually stay with these same girls, so we are able to grow together and truly build a strong relationships. A few days prior to the weekend, my coordinator had texted me and asked if I would be willing to work with the Respite girls. The Respite program is almost identical to Fostering Success, except these girls aren't technically signed on for the entire year, so the months they return vary.

To be honest, I wasn't totally looking forward to moving from my cabin. The connection between us has only begun, and I was excited to continue that process! But, I agreed to move to the other cabin.
To my surprise, there was only 3 campers in my cabin, and another counselor alongside myself. I wasn't sure why I was placed where was.

Then, I met a girl. She was a 10 year old girl with some special needs. I had the incredible opportunity of spending a lot of my weekend working one on one with her. Despite her situation, she was one of the most joyful, inspiring children I have ever met. When really spending some one on one quality time with her, you were able to see past all of her outside appearance and see this sweet, loving soul that just needed to be cared about.

Truly, the smallest things can fill you up. I spent maybe 30 hours with this incredible girl, but those few hours made me feel wanted, cared for, inspired, and fulfilled. I hope to say that God worked THROUGH me, but I know He worked IN me.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose."
-Romans 8:28

Day 5 and 6: Find your HAPPY place

This weekend, I get to go back to my favorite place in the world, Camp Joy. This site of land in tiny Clarksville, Ohio is where I worked this past summer. During the summer, they host two completely different types of camps concurrently each week. One side is called "specialty", where a different medical disability comes out each week. I had the opportunity to work this side this summer, where I got to work with kids with leukemia, sickle cell, fibromyalgia, and many other things that made these kids special.

The other side of camp is called "agency", where kids with various unfortunate situations come out site. These could be children with the Boys and Girls club, those with juvenile prison backgrounds, and those involved with Child Services. I was asked to work an agency side camp for the entire school year called Fostering Success. These kids are in foster care. One weekend a month, the same group of kids come to camp and we work on things such as self-fulfillment, confidence, and making them feel wanted.

The experiences I have gained from the special place, both from the summer and the time I spend there currently, is what makes Camp Joy my happy place. A happy place is not necessarily extravagant or expensive or excessive, a happy place is one where you truly feel cared for.  A place where you feel like you are needed. A place that makes a difference.

So, God, I pray especially hard today that you will work IN me and THROUGH me to make the difference that needs to be made this weekend.

Day 4: Moving with the CHANGE

Change is scary.

At this point in life, change is constantly surrounding us. Your home is changing, your goals are changing, people are changing. As a child, and honestly still today, change is one of my biggest fears. I love having a routine with the same people, doing the same things, and being the same person. I feel like all of these changes are taking my place in my life and I'm not totally sure what to do with them.

Yet, things change for a reason. I am such a firm believer that everything does happen for a reason. Your "home" changes because as cliche as this, home is truly where your heart is. While you may have a physical house that has been your living situation for your entire life, like me, my home is here in Lexington with the people that love me for myself. Your goals change because you realize that you thought might be best for you maybe actually isn't in your best interest. People change and relationships distance so others can have the opportunity to experience the love you once did.

And while change is terrifying, there is one thing that remains constant. Your relationship with God and your reliance on Him will never change. He will be there, through the ups and downs, good and bad, highs and lows. He is why you feel comfort, even through the terror.

"Jesus is the same yesterday and today and forever."

-Hebrews 13:8

Day 3: Head Vs. HEART

In today's society, logic is the most prominent decision-driving factor for humans. Whether in be in a political decision, a life choice, or even what we're going to have for dinner, we use all of these things that "make sense" to make decisions. We use the resources around us to problem-solve by the process of elimination, group work, and even rational methods to give us the answer we are looking for.

Personally, I feel totally and completely from the heart. I strive to make all my decisions based on the emotions I have and not what my brain or others are saying to me. Doing so makes me feel things so deeply, yet can also have the effect of irrational, sudden moves. Myself, along with those other feelers, make decisions almost on the spot, which can lead to repercussions in the future.

So what is the RIGHT way to make decisions? Dependent on the situation, but to always trust in GOD. He knows what the right answer always is, and can show it in a variety of ways. I like to think he lays things on my heart that I am able to feel and thus gives me that answer, but His ways can also be shown in the outside world. He will bless your heart with the ability to hear an answer and both feel and think with that specific answer.

Matthew 6:21 says,
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Continue to lay Your word on my heart, continue to work IN me. Continue to work THROUGH me.

Day 2: Stay TUNED In

This morning, I made the big-girl, life decision to switch my major from Integrated Strategic Communications to the scary world of Social Work. My goal since middle school had been to work in PR for an accredited non-profit, and eventually create my own transformational center for underprivileged people in a community where one did not exist.

I chose to speak the words that I had planned for me, instead of letting God speak through me to His plans.

Going into the serious coursework of ISC, I quickly learned that changing the reputation for a company was not what I wanted to do, even if it was a non-profit corporation. My passion truly lies in working directly with those affected, and that has been apparent my entire life.

I just chose to listen to my personal thoughts that I had thought for myself, instead of letting God portray His thoughts to me.

After my Come-to-Jesus moment of realizing my major wasn't the path for me, I did some serious praying and evaluating. I love working with kids, I feel as though children are able to see the world in a way that most of us now are unable to see. I toyed with the idea of Elementary Ed and working in an inner city school, but I didn't feel right about it. I also considered working in Family Sciences and pursuing work in Child Advocacy and Foster Care Reform, but that didn't feel right, either.

Then the idea of Social Work was introduced to me. When you are able to let go of your own words and thoughts and open your heart to your greater plan, the answer is clear. Social Work feels right.

So, friends, tuning out the thoughts and words of the world and tuning in to the words of the One who knows can bring an overwhelming amount of peace. He blessed us with gifts that pertain to the futures we are promised, and that is so special.

God, continue to work IN me. Continue to work THROUGH me.

Day 1: Choose JOY

Tonight, with a group of some special people, we spoke about the meaning of joy and how that is shown outwards to the world. I feel as I work through these 55 days of prayer, the beginning of having a God to work in and through me is with that formation of joy. Choosing to have joy in each and every day can be a difficult choice, yet is an eternal possession once you have something to be joyful about. Yet, don't we all have something to be overwhelmed with joy for? Life is hard, yet we have someone on our side during it all, moving us through these trials of the world to strengthen a greater relationship with Him.

We, as fearfully and wonderfully made, still make mistakes. I personally make mistakes constantly, some greater than others. It is so easy to detach yourself from the support given to us with our creation and rely on physical relationships to move us through the storm. Those mistakes are made to give us direction on the most important relationship we possess, one that will never be broken.

So, in all honesty, this first day of prayer hasn't "changed" me. My relationship with Him hasn't been completely built thus far, but I am so excited to see what it will do for me. So, God:

Work IN me.
Work THROUGH me.

55 Day CHALLENGE!!!

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

-Isaiah 41:10

Trying to maneuver this college lifestyle at 18 years old peacefully is like getting sick of McDonald's; it just doesn't happen. With all of these things needing to happen, all these deadlines needed to be met, all these relationships that need to be upheld, prioritizing is hard. The things that are important for the long run are blurred by the things that seem to be do-all end-all at the time.

Tonight at 608, Pastor Jon Weece spoke on the topic of the joy seen in little ones and elderly. Those ages are so vital to the happiness of the world, for they see this beautiful Earth we live on in such a positive, hopeful way. Yet, in that time between, we seem to experience pain. As people, we deal with that pain in so many different ways. God calls us to to release that said pain, to Him.

Jon introduced a question: Where do you see your life in 55 days? What do you want to feel, how do you want to act, how are YOU different? He goes on to challenge us to pray the same sort of prayer for the next 55 days:

"God, work IN me."

"God, work THROUGH me."

We ask of these things because He promised to fill our emptiness with joy, replace negativity with positivity, and rely on Him for comfort. I hope to challenge myself to the fullest these next couple months and see myself differently at the end.

So, friends, where do you see yourself in 55 days? :)

Comfort Zones are Meant to be SHAKEN

I don't normally do things so far out of my comfort zone such as this. And moving out of my comfort zone is incredibly difficult to accomplish, because I truly am down for pretty much anything. Yet, I feel like taking my writing public is something I have been called to do. I write in a journal as much as I possibly can in this hectic lifestyle. Whether my day has incredible and I am ecstatic or nothing seemed to go right and I have hit a low point, using my journal as an outlet to these feelings allows some super interesting conversation to arise. Not only is it a time for internal conversation, I use this journal to connect with God and allow him to take the lead on all these instances. So, that is what I want to use this blog for! A personal outlet, with the hopes of some insight to all the things happening in this crazy world we all live in. I am so excited to see where the Lord will lead me in this life, and I can't wait to document all the ways my world gets shaken!